How to Forgive When You Still Have Pain and Anger

How to forgive when you still have pain and anger?  When you still have pain and anger is precisely the time to forgive and to let it go.  Give up any feelings or resentment or revenge and forgive the person.  Remember what it felt like to be forgiven and that may help you forgive.  The pain and anger may never be fully out of your memory, but you need to free yourself from it and move on.  Let’s look at these and other ways to forgive.

If you let anger stay with you, it will act like a poison and consume you.  To withhold forgiveness from another person is only to have your negative feelings hurt you.  Forgiveness is not about right or wrong.  You can forgive someone and choose to not spend time with them any longer. Those are two separate decisions.  Forgiving does not mean excusing the wrong nor does it mean that it is alright for the person to do it again.  

Here are some steps you can take to forgive even when you still have pain and anger.  

• Acknowledge your feelings of pain and anger and express your feelings in a constructive way.
• Think about what happened and any role you may have played.  Don’t place blame, just forgive yourself if your actions were part of the cause.
• Try to see the situation form the other person’s point of view.  This will help you develop compassion and help the pain and anger go away.
• Think about a time when someone forgave you and how you felt before and after.
• Give up all resentment, feelings of revenge, and anger.  Soon the pain will fade and this experience won’t make you ill of keep you from having meaningful relationships.
• Remember that time does heal all wounds, and forgiving is the first step on the road to healing.

Letting Go

So now you know some important things to do that will help you forgive when you still have pain and anger.  You know what you should do, but are still having trouble letting go.  Sometimes it takes a long time to let go of the hurt and anger that you feel and that’s OK.  Admit that not letting go is harming you and commit to letting go.  Eventually, it will fade and not be important anymore.  

Sometimes it is important to think about how holding on to pain and anger is affecting your relationship with the person you are angry with and the other people in your life.  You have the power to make the choice to stop reliving the pain and move on.      

You need to focus on the present and let the past stay in the past.  When you find yourself thinking about the situation, just tell yourself it is in the past and you are living in the present.  Look around you and find joy in living and appreciate the positive things in your life.  

Fill yourself with thoughts of peace and gratitude.  Learn to meditate.  Make a list of wonderful things that are happening now, in the present.  Be good to yourself and be kind and loving in your actions to others.  

How to Forgive Yourself

Everyone has times when they hurt others or others hurt them.  That is just part of life.  It is important not only to forgive others, but do the same for yourself.  You need to really believe that you are worthy of love and happiness.  Forgive yourself for thinking you do not deserve these things and stop judging yourself.  Nobody is perfect, so stop thinking you are supposed to be.

Hold onto a positive vision for yourself and your life.  Choose to let go of the past and look with excitement to the future.  Love yourself, want the best for yourself, and enjoy the journey of life.  

Quotes about Anger, Forgiveness, and Love

Here is some food for thought about the negative effects of anger and the positive effects of forgiveness and love:

• Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. - Mark Twain
• Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
• The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. - Mohandas Gandhi
• Without forgiveness, there's no future. - Desmond Tutu
• What love we've given, we'll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity. - Leo Buscaglia